AdScam

Just got an invite to attend Marketing Dive’s virtual CMO Summit on Feb. 25. I am told that as the role of the CMO continues to evolve, leaders are expected to juggle more than ever. (balls or plates?) I can learn how marketing executives are balancing the demand for short-term results while supporting long-term brand health. During the event, attendee nozzles will hear from marketing wankers from major consumer brands, agency executives, analysts and other industry executives as they talk shit about artificial intelligence, social media and other Subjects du jour. They should hurry though, as the average CMO tenure is less than two years.

Here today… Gone tomorrow!

CES 2026, son of Comdex, whenever, is going on right now. For those unaware, that’s the Consumer Electronics Showcase, where massive tech companies and small fucktard entrepreneurs come together to show off their mostly insane wares. These include an AI cocktail mixer from Breakreal. Early pricing starts at $1,099, with a full MSRP of $1,299. At that rate, if you really need someone to make a cocktail for you, you could just cozy your arse up to the bar. If you’re concerned about drinking and driving, it would still probably cost you less to hire a bartender to come to your house for an hour. Preferably one with long legs and big knockers.

She can also cure hangovers!

Last year was “berry, berry good” for Jamie Dimon. A combination of salary, bonuses, dividends, stock grants and appreciation in his allotment of the bank’s shares yielded roughly $770 million in 2025 for JPMorgan’s chief executive, according to the company’s disclosures. This is the guy who after the the collapse of the banking industry in 2008 voluntarily cut his salary from $30 million to $15 million. The next year he put it back to $30 million and paid himself a $15 million bonus. This is also the guy who’s bank handled all of Epstein accounts.

Banking is my life!

I once spent three weeks in Venezuela, a beautiful, very large country with one of the World’s great rivers, the Orinoco, flowing over two thousand miles through it. It has no Fentanyl or Cocaine production. It does however, also just happen to have the world’s largest deposits of oil. Ya think that has anything to do with it?

Ivanka… Next Secretary of War?

In one of the clearest signs that bankers know fuck all about fuck all, unless it’s about enriching themselves, JPMorgan CEO Jamie Dimon, who for years dismissed bitcoin as a “fraud,” “stupid” and “worthless”, changed his tune likening owning it to “the right to smoke.” This is the guy who during the banking collapse of 2008 cut his salary from $30 million to $15 million. The next year, he put it back to $30 million and paid himself a $ 15 million bonus!

Put that in your pipe, Jamie!

Looking for a job in the MAGAVerse? The Justice Department is seeking to enlist about 400 lawyers to review roughly 5.2 million fucking pages of Epstein files documents that just showed up. We are assured that the number of documents represents a more precise, and potentially much larger, figure than previous estimates provided by the department. No shit Sherlock!

Tell Der Trumpf I’ll need more pencils.

AdScamers already know that the Words of the Year chosen by Merriam-Webster and the Oxford University Press are: slop and rage bait, respectively. These are defined as “digital content of low quality that is produced usually in quantity by means of artificial intelligence” and “frustrating, provocative or offensive” content designed to increase traffic and engagement, respectively — proliferated in the digital media ecosystem where advertisers spend their dollars and attention. In other words… Most of today’s adverts are shit.

I knew that!!!

Over at The Guardian, Simon Tisdall puts it best… “The way Trump tells it, he’s Alexander, Charlemagne, George Washington, Napoleon and Mahatma Gandhi all rolled into one. Yet after a decade at the top of US politics, solid achievements are few. His peacemaking flounders, his economic and trade tariff policies falter, his personal approval rating tumbles. Towering ego, ignorance, vulgarity and bottomless narcissism are Trump’s only exceptional traits.”

Unlike Der Trumps, this one was real!

Why not… It’s my blog…

Der Trumpf has installed an attorney and part-time beauty salon owner to decide which foreigners are allowed to enter the U.S. The State Department announced that Mora Namdar has been promoted from her post working on U.S foreign policy in the Middle East and North Africa to become assistant secretary for consular affairs, overseeing everything from passport issuance to visa approvals and revocations. She will also offer dye jobs, hand jobs and blow jobs to carefully vetted MAGA Wankers!

Marie Namdar? Nah!!!